Monday, May 19, 2014

Safety and Security Top Town Concerns


Hello, towners. I am excited as anyone that the Mayor is putting up a website. It's about time we lined up and joined the 21st Century.

But let's not be in too-big a hurry. Let's not forget safety and security. As many of you know, I recently completed a tour of the law enforcement agencies in the nearby towns of Heebner, Duncet Lake, and South Wainscotting. Sadly, we are falling behind in safety and security.

Sure, many of you say, our crime rate is pretty low. That's thanks to me and my policies and Wayne and Greta and Stan. The Baysharts-Narde Police Department takes a back seat to no one in professionalism.

I wish that were true in the field of law enforcement hardware.

Over in Duncet Lake, the PD recently purchased the Stackhowser 800 Safety and Security Android with optional hypno ray. Below is a training film featuring the Stackhowser 800 being put through its paces.

(There were some tart opinions expressed there by the Stackhowser, but I'm told its memory was wiped so we're Okay.) As a veteran police officer, you never know when you'll be called upon to destroy a lab or hypnotize a suspect.  Were such incidents to arise today in our town, I don't know what we'd do. All I can say is . . . they don't have that problem in Duncet Lake.

So sure, fine, let's get a website. But also, and I've discussed this with the mayor, lets explore our funding options and maybe upgrade the PD with a Stackhowser 800 Safety and Security Android. And, while I'm on my high horse, let's go ahead and get the hypno ray option. By thunder and toasted cheese, we'll all sleep a little better at night.

Stay safe—and secure.

(Video: JoeyFaustAGoGo)

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